I met my past on the sidewalk

"I like your skirt! That outfit really looks nice on you!"

What a strange lady I thought to myself. "Thank you," I said aloud.

We stood on the sidewalk facing each other. She called me by name but I couldn't figure out who she was. She pulled the pony tail holder out of her red hair and gave her head a toss. The move was familiar. Then I knew! "Hi E", I said, "How have you been?"

The years unrolled between us. I was carried back to another time, another place.

I was 18 years old and in love with a 24 year old man. My parents were against it. The elders in the church were against it. Jay had a background - a bad one. He had spent most of the time between 14 years old and 24 years old in and out of jail. I met him in one of his good times.

He convinced me I was in love with him. Being young and never having truly dated or been in love, I believed him. We dated for several months before we decided to get engaged. Again the older ones around me warned me that this was not a good thing. But Jay told me he had changed and I so wanted to believe it. He told me that if I married him he would never get in trouble again because all he needed was a good wife at his side.

I had my doubts but love was such a beautiful thing. He gave me my first kiss and I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Truly this was love. But the check in my spirit would not go away. My dad was putting a lot of pressure on me to break it off with Jay. I cried and pled with my dad to let me continue dating. He didn't know that we were secretly engaged. Nobody did. It was just between us; another thing that bound us together.

It was a tumultuous year. Earlier I had put in an application for Voluntary Service at a children's home in Ohio. One day there was my acceptance in the mail. My parents were thrilled. Now I would go to Ohio and be far away from Jay here in Oregon. I said goodbye to my parents. I said good bye to Jay. I went to Ohio and began my work there.

I had only been there about 4 weeks before word came that Jay was married! I was shocked! We had been engaged! He hadn't even been dating anyone else! Who had he married? Yes, you guessed it. He had married E. They had eloped and everybody was as shocked as I was. They barely knew each other!

E was a girl who had burst on the scene just a year or so before this. She had a little boy about a year old. She and I became friends in a funny sort of way. She introduced me to all sorts of herbs and tinctures. We used to drive into the inner city and frequent dark little herbal shops that smelled of strange things with little Chinese ladies as proprietors. It was a strange world I knew nothing about. She took me to her house once and I was amazed to see all the drying herbs that were hanging from the low rafters. Cats twirled around my legs as I toured her strange little cottage.

Eventually E joined our church and became well known for her eccentric ways. She was tall, very tall, and she had lots of fuzzy red hair over which she perched wild hats with large plumes. She used to let her baby walk all over the church building while the preaching was going on.

Then when her son reached the pulpit she would sedately arise from her pew, cross her hands in the air in front of her and with the feather from her hat keeping rythm she would walk all the way to the front of the church and fetch her son. She put bells on the shoestrings of the baby boy so there was always a lot of tinkling and commotion while her son prowled the church.

She was a strange lady but I liked her in an odd sort of way. I shared with her what I was going through with Jay. She used to pump me for information about my dates and such. Now here I was in Ohio and she had eloped with my boyfriend!

I eventually came home and J and E eventually had a baby girl together. The church they attended was holding Conference meetings so I, still unmarried and unattached, attended the meeting with my parents and siblings.

There I saw J and E. After church E swept past me in that stately way of hers and whispered as she passed, "He's mine now."

I just stood there incredulous!

Behind her came Jay holding the baby with dark curls. "Just think," he whispered, "this baby could have been ours." And out he went after his plumed wife. I stood there stunned! Now reader you may or may not believe this but that is exactly how it happened.

Years went by and they had two more children. I still was not seriously dating anyone. Not long after the third baby word came that E and J had divorced! I was not surprised. In later years E told me that it was my fault because Jay never got over loving me.

I began dating Mr Darling eight years after J and E had married and divorced. I had only been dating Mr Darling for 4 months when one night there was a knock on my door. I opened it to find Jay standing there! I hadn't seen him for several years. I was shocked. "May I come in," he asked?

I said he could and thus began a long night wherein he begged me to come back to him. I told him I was dating a man I loved and that I didn't want him anymore. While we were arguing about this the phone rang and it was Mr Darling. Jay insisted on talking to him.

This was the conversation I heard from Jays end. "Yes, she says she loves you but I have loved her longer than you have and I know her far better than you ever will."

"Okay, lets do that."

Jay turned to me and told me that I was to get on the other line. So I did. Then Jay says, "Miss Darling, we have decided to let you choose right here and now. Who do you love the most and who do you want to be with?"

I was dumbfounded! "Honey," I said into the phone are you there?

"Yes," he answered. My heart skipped a beat. Just hearing his voice was all I needed. "I choose Mr Darling, Jay. Now could you please leave?"

"Well, Mr darling," Jay said, "She chooses you. All I can say is you had better not hurt her. If I ever hear of you hurting her you will have me to deal with!"

This was laughable. He had hurt me by the ultimate betrayal. Mr Darling would never do anything like that.

Jay left and I called Mr Darling and the two of us talked long into the night.

Three years later Mr. Darling and I were married.

Through the years I saw E a few times at funerals and weddings. After all, our friends in the youth group were mutual friends of ours. They too had grown up and we all attended a lot of the same events. Sometimes even Jay was at the event. We were an odd triangle. Mr Darling never went with me to these things. They were part of my life as a Mennonite and he didn't know the people so I was always there alone.

At each event E would make sure to tell me how often she still saw Jay. It was also at these events that she would pull me aside and tell me that Jay always loved me but I could be so glad I never married him. Then she would tell me stuff that only a wife would know. It was all to let me know that she knew him in ways I never would.

I didn't care! I hated this whole triangle that existed.

Twenty years passed. It was a hot afternoon. I had just finished picking berries and now I was walking into the store to get some pectin for the jam.

"I like your skirt. That outfit really looks nice on you." I turned to see who was talking to me. She leaned forward scrutinizing me. She had gained weight but so had I. I stared at her as I slowly searched the face before me for the woman I use to know. There was no hat with flying plume, no stately walk, - just an aging lady leaning on her cart. With one sweep she pulled the pony tail holder out of her hair and the fuzzy red masses fell around her shoulders. It was a feeble attempt to recapture her youth.

We exchanged hellos. I was surprised to find that she lived only four miles from me. She was jobless and trying to go back to school. She told me she had been briefly married again for three years. She then asked me if I had ever married. I cannot tell you how happy I was to tell her that yes indeed I had married and that just two days ago I had celebrated my 20th anniversary.

We chatted stiflly for a bit then I asked her,"Do you ever hear from Jay anymore?"

"Oh I talk to him all the time," she said with that laugh I remembered so well, "You can be glad you didn't marry Jay. He is just huge now! There it was again. This knowledge of Jay that I was suppose to covet. "Well I gotta go, she said abruptly, "I have frozen things here that I don't want to thaw in this heat, ya know."

As she turned to go I caught a glimpse of that stately walk that used to be hers. Just a glimpse of that girl that used to be... then she vanished and in her stead was a middle aged lady with a loud flowered skirt and flip flops, her fuzzy red hair held together once again with the elastic band, her face etched with age lines making her look far older than she was.

She was so right! I can be glad I didn't marry Jay. I stood there on the sidewalk and winged a prayer of thanks to the God in heaven who had blessed me with such a wonderful husband and family. Truly He had been looking out for me way back there thirty years before.

I couldn't help but feel sorry for the lonely lady that was loading her groceries into that old car across the parking lot. I gave her one last look and turned and walked into the store. The past was behind and I was glad to leave it there. Hopefully we will never meet again!